me.

self oppression is dehumanizing/desensitizing/depressingand slightly masochistic. an entire life is spent moving forward towards the human being that each person aspires to become. but there's always that tiny voice in your head whispering that you cant do it and then its telling you that you wont do it and then finally screaming that there is absolutely no chance that things will ever work out for you. no chance, no hope.
the sick part is that point when you start to listening; subconciously agreeing, almost enouraging these ever so welcome cynisms. you begin to actually believe the lies it's feeding you and all of your hard work and aspirations are meaningless, the foundation that you've built your life upon begins to crumble and the regression commences.

you begin to unknowing destroy all the things you've ever worked for. anything and everything. family ties-cut. life long friendships-broken. you have no one to care for so you think in return no one cares for you. you start letting yourself go. stop going to work. stop sleeping or maybe you never wake up. until it gets to the point where you even stop feeding yourself; as if cereal in a bowl is too strenuous.
now this tiny voice in the back of your mind has become a life shattering concious decision. you cant do it. you wont do it. and there is absolutely no chance that things could ever work out for you now. no chance, you've lost hope.

Self doubt is a pitious and devauling thing, however it is also fleeting. how your life unfolds depends entirely upon yourself, you cant blame your failures and short comings on that tiny voice in your head, because who in their right mind would accept that as a valid reason. No one should accept that as a valid reason.

Don't ever take your self for granted, there are so many wonderful and talented people in the world who let that one moment of doubt turn into a life time of self oppression; the easiest and hardest to fix. dont do it, dont be that person who completely lacks self confidence even if they happen to be the most brilliant and admirable person in the world. I really believe its time for every one to stop feeling this lull in their life, that feeling of malcontent; everyone feels, but only some people overcome it, instead of allowing it to overcome them.

best conversation ever:

Yesterday
11:53pmRachel

i'm eating applesauce right now.

was that muy interesante?

when I'm done I have to get off the computer
11:55pmNicole

si, espero que tu muera
11:55pmRachel

crap don't say such things!
11:55pmNicole

what did i say?
11:55pmRachel

I don't understand!!

I don't knowwww!
11:56pmNicole

you said was that very interesting and i attempted to say yes i hope that you die
11:56pmRachel

'yes, i sing that your dead?

heyy I was almost right!
11:57pmNicole

yes you were very close however to say that it would be canto que tu mueriste

i want appy sauce :(:(
11:58pmRachel

ahh yes of coursee! I knew that!

now I'm done.

and mama is not happy with me.
11:58pmNicole

nooooooooooooooooooo

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
11:58pmRachel

goodbyeeee neecole!
11:59pmNicole

stop it right now, you wait just a minute little missy@
11:59pmRachel

'kay

waiting.
11:59pmNicole

wow you really did that to irritate me.

what movie did you watch?
11:59pmRachel

yes, I see you do know me well
12:00amNicole

indeed.
12:00amRachel

It happened one night!

said in a dramatic voice!
12:00amNicole

wait whaa?
12:00amRachel

.. that was the movie btw
12:01amNicole

the movie was called it happened one night?
12:01amRachel

si

its a b&w movie
12:01amNicole

your si has no accent so i cant be sure if your actually saying yes, you maybe be saying if
12:02amRachel

my keyboard isn't spanish

soory
12:02amNicole

how come you took 5 hours to answer me and then again
12:02amRachel

or sorry, whichever
12:02amNicole

mines not spenish either sherlock
12:02amRachel

I'm getting slwer
12:02amNicole

ahahah i said spenish

like spanish penis

ahahahaha
12:02amRachel

haha I fist typed spenush

but the I fixed it
12:03amNicole

ahahahahahahahaha

im so bored i dont want you to stop talking to me bc then i'll have nothing to do
12:04amRachel

gahhh I have to gooo! mama is not happy!

quite soryy for reall

how about sleep
12:04amNicole

yeah right whatevs jerk

when do you work tomorrow?
12:04amRachel

1-9:30
12:05amNicole

sleep is not an option
12:05amRachel

8 hrs!
12:05amNicole

your going to die
12:05amRachel

dude I know that's why I must go night nights!
12:05amNicole

byee jerk
12:06amRachel

bye now really. I'm getting off now. no more talking.

you need to say the last word

b/c I can't
12:06amNicole

word.

one more?

just for old times sake?

Last Day of School/First Day of Summer

Today was the official last day of my sophmore year! We only were in school until 10:45 but we still had to go to all of our classes, completely pointless! However, i got to drive to school for the first time and even drive my best friend home with me after, which is a really huge step for my parents.
After school was pretty much the greatest way to start off a summer. I got to hang out with my three best friends, go to the mall, eat pizza, swim, tan, and watch stick it! It was amazing. Though all that fun did have consequences, now its pretty late and i still have to write a bible study for dance and finish a book and i have to wake up at 8 tomorrow morning :/ uggghhh!
Im going to go shower and then get on that but i really promise i'll write about something interesting very very soon!!

Wow, i havent written in forever! But i've been super busy.
-school, ugh.
-finals, sucked and i did reaallyy bad on them, i promise.
-reading :]]]
-dance, every saturday morning :\
-and movieessss!!
its the end of the school year/start of summer and i've really been trying to enjoy it. i've been doing a lot of swimming and tanning, and trying to convince my parents to let me drive alone, which, as of late, i have been moderately successful in doing so.
I've also been trying to brush up on my writing. I enjoy it soooo much it's just extremely hard to find time to write and also be feeling creative/imaginative/and have fresh ideas.
im still waiting for the dark knight to come out; im reallly dying to see it!
today was a really crappy day, i had finals, which i did poorly on, plus it rained the entire day and was extremely humid. And i also have to wake up for school tomorrow morning and the next even though there's absolutely nothing left to do...ugh highschool.
thats pretty much all i have to say for now but since summer is nearly here, there will be more to come and hopefully it will be

Heath..

is dead and i cant get over it! seriously january 22nd was the absolute saddest day of my life! That poor beautiful man never did anything wrong but make goood movies! i just cant understand it! But now i'll have to see The Dark Knight so that i can pay my respects to Heath Ledger and his beautiful australian-ness! im home sick soo i guess i'll just wallow in my heath depression.







=[ <3rip.heath!

im nocturnal

swear to god i never sleeep!
i really wish i could pick up that habit but i guess at 16 no one "reaaally" sleeps.
Todayyy was emotionally draining..a lot of shit happened, well actually one kinda big thing, but still it was stressful. I'm exhausted but to lazy to get off the computer and go to my bedd.
I've been watching the show Gossip Girl on the cw and i absolutely love it! Seriously hot guys and bitchy girls in the city..definitely suggest you watch it.
I've also started reading alot again which is amazing because i love reading and i always forget how much until i pick up a book again.
My best friend rk always makes me laugh because ever since she read harry potter this past year or so she compares every single book to it. And of course no writer can compare to the expertise of JK Rowling so of course rk always comes out disappointed..So never ever ask her suggestion for a book even though she reads like 8 a day.
SLEEPSLEEPSLEEP!
I HAVE TO GET SOME SLEEEP!
i promise im going to bed now..after i finish reading gossip girl! ;)

<3

Annoying people

Do you know anyone that you really can't stand but you know you have to tolerate them anyways?
Well it freaking sucks. This one girl i know follows me everywhere and repeats everything i say and do! I guess i should be flattered but i just find it annoying. She can never be herself and she never has anything nice to say. Whenever she talks i immediately roll my eyes and close my ears. I know its cruel but if you knew her you'd feel the same!

okay.

now that ive had time to vent.

I reaallyy wanna see this movie. It seems kinda weird but good;